Am I really a Kajira

I'm having trouble deciding if I'm a switch or not. Let me explain why I'm having this BDSM trouble. A long time ago, I posted a picture of a woman digging her heel into a mans shoulder. The woman would be a freewoman in Gor life and the male most likely a Thrall. 

Then this Fireman sends me a comment on how he wishes that he was under my boot. Of course my cheeks go flush, my breath is taken in, I'm drooling over his body. I don't think they are the reasons that a freewoman would have for a thrall. I wan't him under my boot not for the excitement of control but because I want to make him happy. 

It's also very hard being a mutable Pisces. I find myself trying to morph myself into anything that will make a Master or Jarl happy. If this includes lashing him, stepping on him, and other things then so be it. I was created to serve correct. If my owner wishes me to serve in such a way then I should serve in such a way.

Traveling around Gor

I don't know if this small village is still open in Second Life. It is a place that I enjoyed living. Bond of a Jarl that was a farmer and his mate the Baker. His daughter was a sausage maker. They were a fun family to serve.

The many faces of salynia in Second Life

still in love with a Master

I was talking with Master Robert last night. Yes, I call all men Masters but they are not my Master. Not unless I have submitted my body, mind, and heart to them. We were talking about relationships and why others ended. If I was ready to start another relationship.

I honestly had to answer no. I'm not ready to start another relationship. I'm still connected to another man. Even though he never put a collar around my neck. Even though we only got to play a couple times. Even though he's married. He still captured me in so many ways that I needed to be captured.

I'm having mixed up feelings about this whole relationship with Wolf and I. I must be crazy for feeling this way. We are friends. I would cry rivers of tears if I found out that he passed away. 

I don't know why I still crave him. I was his dirty little secret. We had to hide that we were playing around. It's one of the reasons that I stopped that part of our relationship. I couldn't live with the fact that I was a tool for his sex addiction. I was being an enabler.

I guess it's the way that he made me feel when we were together. It's the way he makes me feel when we talk. I never felt like a queen, top shelf alcohol, a rockstar with other men. I was never desired, wanted, needed the way he did. My husband of 14 years didn't even make me feel that way.

Now that he's gone...I don't have those feelings anymore....and I once again feel like the Monster that I see in mens eyes.

Who is Kajira Saylnia? What is Kajira Saylnia?

I started this blog to record the journey of becoming a woman of earth into a Gorean Kajira. This will be a mixture of my story online in Second Life, my life offline, the world of BDSM, and more. 

I am starting out my journey as a city Barbarian who is being trained to be a Kajira. I have roleplayed a northern bond girl before. I need something more though. I need to go through the complete process of transformation in my life. I don't know how this will relate to my offline life but it definitely is going to be a learning experience.

What is a Kajira? 
A Gorean Kajira is a slave. A woman that has been enslaved to serve the free men and women of Gor. In the Northern villages they are called Bond girls. This is based off of the books by John Norman. Who in truth was a Philosopher by the name of Dr. John Lang Jr.

What is a Barbarian?
I'm sure that the word Barbarian conjures up women taken from the movies Beast Master or Conan the Barbarian. Well kinda sort of. A Barbarian is a woman who is from earth. She does not know the customs, rules, laws, language, animals, foods, and drinks of Gor. 

Of course they have other kinds of slaves in Gor. Not all Kajira and Bonds were owned by men. Not all slaves in Gor were women. In this world, male slaves are known by the name "thrall" Though it is more of a sentence or punishment than a life long form of servitude. Men are usually made into thralls in Gor because they have made a dishonorable mistake or owe money. 

This is my beginning in Gor. I wish I could say that I proudly wear my collar but I am still a Barbarian. I still have too many memories of my old life as a free woman. Too many memories of being a medic and being equal with the men on my team. Things are very different in Gor. I have no idea if I can be a Gorean Kajira or will die from the punishment.