I was talking with Master Robert last night. Yes, I call all men Masters but they are not my Master. Not unless I have submitted my body, mind, and heart to them. We were talking about relationships and why others ended. If I was ready to start another relationship.
I honestly had to answer no. I'm not ready to start another relationship. I'm still connected to another man. Even though he never put a collar around my neck. Even though we only got to play a couple times. Even though he's married. He still captured me in so many ways that I needed to be captured.
I'm having mixed up feelings about this whole relationship with Wolf and I. I must be crazy for feeling this way. We are friends. I would cry rivers of tears if I found out that he passed away.
I don't know why I still crave him. I was his dirty little secret. We had to hide that we were playing around. It's one of the reasons that I stopped that part of our relationship. I couldn't live with the fact that I was a tool for his sex addiction. I was being an enabler.
I guess it's the way that he made me feel when we were together. It's the way he makes me feel when we talk. I never felt like a queen, top shelf alcohol, a rockstar with other men. I was never desired, wanted, needed the way he did. My husband of 14 years didn't even make me feel that way.
Now that he's gone...I don't have those feelings anymore....and I once again feel like the Monster that I see in mens eyes.
I honestly had to answer no. I'm not ready to start another relationship. I'm still connected to another man. Even though he never put a collar around my neck. Even though we only got to play a couple times. Even though he's married. He still captured me in so many ways that I needed to be captured.
I'm having mixed up feelings about this whole relationship with Wolf and I. I must be crazy for feeling this way. We are friends. I would cry rivers of tears if I found out that he passed away.
I don't know why I still crave him. I was his dirty little secret. We had to hide that we were playing around. It's one of the reasons that I stopped that part of our relationship. I couldn't live with the fact that I was a tool for his sex addiction. I was being an enabler.
I guess it's the way that he made me feel when we were together. It's the way he makes me feel when we talk. I never felt like a queen, top shelf alcohol, a rockstar with other men. I was never desired, wanted, needed the way he did. My husband of 14 years didn't even make me feel that way.
Now that he's gone...I don't have those feelings anymore....and I once again feel like the Monster that I see in mens eyes.
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